Amy's Million Pound Match-Up Page

So, it's been months since I've visited this site.  And months since I've done anything but worry about my weight and its increasing number.  Short of worrying, I've done nothing to get back on track..  I need someone to kick my ass.

 

I weighed in at the doctor's office last week at around 316 pounds.  I'm back to my highest weight ever. 

 

I worry about it every single day but I don't seem to have the discipline to do anything about it.  While I was watching The Biggest Loser tonight, I felt that familiar pang of jealousy towards the team members left.  I am so happy for them that I cry when I see how well they've done.  But at the same time, I wish it was me up there.  I wish that I weren't so scared of applying to be on the show.  My fear??  I don't want anyone to see me in a sports bra on national television.  Do I think I have what it takes to be a contestant?  you bet.  I'm 5'2", 316 pounds or somewhere in that area, I am 29 years old, on Crestor for high cholesterol, Fortamet for my sugar problems (I'm insulin resistant)... I am on anti-anxiety and depression medication because I am so unhappy with who I am.  My biggest fear is death.. So why is it that I seem to be making him my best friend?  What is it that is keeping me from shedding this weight??

 

I watched Ali go through her struggles over the past 15 weeks.. And I realized that I am so much like her.  I cushion myself with this weight to keep myself at a safe distance from everything.  If I stay fat, I won't be hurt.  I won't have to deal with rejection because no one will love me. 

 

I need help.  And I just don't know who to turn to.

Ok, so my weigh-in wasn't so good.  I stayed the same.  But! At least I didn't gain anything!!!

 

Mom lost 1.4 pounds this past week!  Go Mom!

 

 

 

That is all.  

Woo!  Hear my weight loss cry!! "Bom Chicka Wah Wah!" (Thanks, Jenny and Jules!) ;P

 

I weighed in this morning.  And lost 3.2 pounds!  Granted, it's not a huge loss, but hey, it's good for me.  Considering I'm too poor for a trainer and someone to prepare my meals, I did pretty darn good on my own!  Maybe this week will be even better! 

 

This brings our weight loss total for 2 weeks to 3.6 pounds.  I know it's small, but I will take what I can get! 

 

My goal for next week... See the 200's!  That's going to be a huge loss, but I'm going to try for it if nothing else! 

 

*does the happy dance*

Ok.. So I am scouring iTunes for good workout songs.  I need help!  Please comment with your favorite, fast-paced workout songs so I can get a good library going for my iPod! 

Thanks in advance for the input!

*hugs*